Just a word to those of you who are expecting souvenirs from Australia. First of all, get over yourself, most of you are not getting souvenirs. But for the family members who keep welcoming me into your homes at holiday times, I just want to say, please lower your expectations, because Australia just does not offer much in the way of souvenirs. They are a byproduct of our own origins, they’re not that much different than us. Nevertheless they do have a few things that are “distinctively Australian.” You’ve got your kangaroos and koalas on everything from hot mitts to shot glasses, your Crocodile Hunter memorabilia, which was still creepy even while he was alive, your kangaroo and crocodile jerky (which could be dried muskrat in there and who would know the difference), your fake Aboriginal products Made in China, and your various I ♥ Australia items. Basically, nobody wants this crap. However, I want you to know I was thinking of you while I was here, so you will probably find one of the aforementioned in your Christmas stocking this year. Or if you find some genuine Australian coins in there instead, I swear it’s not just because I had some change left over and didn’t get around to souvenir shopping – so I hope you appreciate them!
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